In the world of coaching and personal development, there are legends in the game. The kind of people that have been around long enough to be the go-to person of the industry. On today’s podcast, I talk to one of these legends. Robert Kandell is a writer, teacher, coach, and lecturer. Since 2002, Robert has been on the forefront of transformational relationship work.
Robert is the co-founder of OneTaste a lifestyle and wellness company that provides courses, mindfulness practices, and Orgasmic Meditation. The goal is to improve wellbeing, focus, emotional intelligence, connection and fulfillment. OneTaste has been featured on The Today Show, New York Times, Inc. Magazine, Time, and Cosmopolitan. Robert is also the host of the Tuff Love Podcast where he answers questions about life and love.
On Robert’s podcast he actually gives out tough love advice and speaks openly about the topics that he has mastered over the course of his work. On today’s show, we are going to address men and male conditioning and what life is like for the modern male. Robert is in the process of writing his new book called “Living unHIDDEN: A New Book for Men”. You can support his book through his Indiegogo campaign. Robert speaks the truth about the place for men and how women can get a better understanding.
You can find Robert here:
Tuff Love Podcast
OneTaste
Indiegogo Campaign
Tuff Love on iTunes
Robert@KandellConsulting.com
Kandell Consulting
Robert on Facebook
Robert on Twitter @RobertKandell
Show Notes
[04:54] Robert has always been passionate about what he believes in, and he has always been a creator.
[05:59] Unhidden is about bringing what is inside out. Everything even those things that you are embarrassed about. Find a place to live unhidden, so people can see who you are.
[07:25] How it is so confusing to understand what is wanted from men. The pressure from social media has also contributed to this confusion.
[08:21] On Robert's first workshop on sexuality, he made his wife cry which woke Robert up to his blind spots.
[09:33] Robert began taking self-development courses and started OneTaste to bring conscious sexuality into the world through Orgasmic Meditation.
[10:21] After 10 years, he left OneTaste in 2014 and moved to Venice Beach and started life coaching and podcasting.
[11:51] Sex is a form of communication and people can take different connotations from that. Men think everything is okay because they are having sex. Women can have sex as a way to look for intimacy. Men and women look at sexuality quite differently.
[13:03] How sex is the smoke you can follow to find out what is truly going on in a relationship.
[13:46] When people are afraid to communicate they put a blanket over their sexuality.
[15:48] Looking at your motivations for not speaking up and how you were educated by unconscious lessons.
[16:32] Finding the reason why women may not speak up in bed. Working with a partner to come up with a way to communicate what you want. Talk about things before or after an experience by creating a partnership and a team for pleasure.
[18:26] Giving permission to be human. Approval and reflection and not holding stuff in.
[21:19] Saying what you feel and talking about it. Being open to share and talk.
[22:10] Poor communication is one of the things that Robert hates to see. He loves the moment when someone feels accepted for a thought they thought would be undesirable. The acceptance makes people feel less alone.
[24:05] Most men speak in masculine language with a goal to produce. Most women speak in feminine language for emotion and intimacy.
[25:33] Women would prefer their feelings acknowledged and men want to fix things.
[25:53] How disagreements can occur when people have different relationships to the baseline of facts.
[26:47] If you don't know what the other person's expectations are a lot of conflicts can occur.
[29:48] How women don't think that men want to please them. Men get pride from their production. Women get pride from their attractiveness. When a woman doesn't approve of what a man does she is insulting his desire to produce. Thank you's are a huge thing to guys.
[31:14] This is a tough time for guys. Things like Tinder and free porn have had an effect on the men and there is a lot of confusion.
[33:28] Women are no longer dependent on men, but men are used to women depending on them. This might help relate to men in a more clear way.
[35:01] Robert taught over 400 workshops at OneTaste, and he loves teaching. His podcast gives him a platform to make a positive impact. It's a live show with a 20-minute rant on a topic and then a 20 minute live coaching call.
[37:36] Robert's favorite shows are when he talks about his own vulnerability and bring out the emotion inside of him.
[39:26] Robert's biggest breakthrough was learning how sneaky he can be and how it impacts his life. By being honest he was able to connect more.
[41:52] Robert's strategic plan is to write his book proposal and find an agent or self-publish. Then he will use the book as a platform for his speaking career.
[43:27] Robert wants to be remembered as an example of the power of honesty.
Links and Resources:
Kristy@KristyArnett.com
Tuff Love Podcast
OneTaste
Indiegogo campaign
Tuff Love on iTunes
Henry Rollins
Eckhart Tolle
David Deida
Rene Brown
Robert@KandellConsulting.com
Kandell Consulting
Robert on Facebook
Robert on Twitter @RobertKandell